Count down to the wedding...some thoughts.

Our wedding is in 25 days. There’s so much left to do- left to plan- left to finish. I have a million more flowers to bead, I need to order flowers, e-mail people, get to the church to actually step inside (yeah- we haven’t actually been INSIDE the church yet, although we’ve seen it through the very old windows on tippy toes). There’s stuff to do. People keep asking if I am nervous, I wonder if I should be nervous...should I be nervous? If I’m honest (said like bear grills) I’m not even to the excited point yet. Maybe because I don’t have a dress yet and nothing feels very wedding-eeee yet. There are twinges of excitement at times but nothing permanent yet.

The other day we went and looked at some property. Five acres with a cute little house that needs some work. We probably can’t afford it. But as the skies grew dark and we wandered around I could see it as ours. Not necessarily that house (although we both would love it) but the idea. I could see the chickens foraging around for bugs, the part of the pasture we’d fence for the horse, where we’d extend the garden out to, where we’d put the green house. How we’d clean up and landscape, and where our orchard would be, our goats, cows and sheep grazing. Where Tobes would have free range to run and play. But mostly what I saw was me and Jeremy, sitting on the porch watching the sunset, looking over all our hard work. Mostly I saw our future life together, and that’s what I’m excited about, that’s what makes me feel a good nervous, that’s what makes me so unbelievably happy it can bring me to tears at just the thought of it.
The wedding will be great. Even if things go wrong or get messed up or some things don’t get done, our friends and family, those people who mean the most to us will be there with us (and those who can’t make it will be in our hearts), in a very important moment when we dedicate our lives to each other, when we promise to be selfless instead of selfish, when we choose to go from two to one. I guess I am excited....but I’m especially excited for the after.